What makes me cry most?
I think Sam is wonderful! He is adorable and funny and affectionate and smart. He is a masterpiece created by God. So when I say that him being different does not make me cry, you shouldn't be surprised. The challenges that make life more difficult are so worth it when I look at Sam's smiling face or feel him cuddled in my lap (calm, secure, loved). My heart does ache over the challenges he faces. I wish with all my heart that I could make things easier for him. But I know he is tough. We all have battles to fight and obstacles to overcome. Autism just happens to make those a bit more difficult for Sam. However, I know his future is bright and full of hope! No, what makes me cry the most is food.
I feel like I am constantly walking a tight rope between letting him be hungry for a few hours because he only wants to eat junk and letting him eat the junk. As a whole, we are a pretty healthy eating family. I don't claim to be perfect, but we do limit processed foods and sugar. We try to incorporate many fruits and veggies and other lesser known healthy ingredients (lesser known to main stream American culture...bone broth, fermented foods, etc.). I work HARD to get Sam to eat as many nutrients as possible. And overall, he is quite healthy. But he is constantly changing and refusing the healthy foods I have been relying on to fill him with missing nutrients. I am constantly having to be more creative than I have the capacity for. I often find myself in tears crying out to God for wisdom and help. I often find myself in tears because Sam won't eat anything except chips and sunflower seed butter sandwiches. It is a hard and exhausting battle to face constantly. Add in the slew of foods that Sam is allergic/sensitive too and well...you get the picture. And because of these allergies/sensitivities and preferences, I cannot leave the house without packing food. We cannot travel without tons of food planning. I am tired.
But what makes this particular battle even more unbearable is the complete lack of support and understanding and often even criticism. While I don't expect people to understand unless they live it, this does not detract from how wearing it is to walk alone, sometimes AGAINST the very people who should be supportive. Mostly when we talk of food allergies and eating issues, we are met with blank stares. At times people who don't know us well will question the existence of said allergies and eating issues. But the ones that feel like a slap in the face are those people (who are not strangers or mere aquaintances) who feel the need to question our parenting skills or ignore the many things we have told them that Sam can't eat or be around.
We bear this burden alone, and at the moment I am extra stressed because Sam is currently in a phase of not eating his most healthy meal. In fact, as I write this, he is crying and having a meltdown because I won't let him simply eat chips all day. I am tired, and I am at a loss. Sam is pretty healthy because I do work so hard to keep him that way. But in phases like this I am stressed because I want to keep him that way, but I don't know how to get him to eat healthy foods.
In short, I need your prayers. I don't expect you to understand. But you don't have to understand to be kind and to simply pray that God will give me the wisdom and strategies I so desperately need. You don't have to understand to step back and say, "you are the parents. I trust that you know your child better than I do. I trust that you love your child and only want good things for him. I do not know better than you what he can and should be eating." It's pretty simple really.
I feel like I am constantly walking a tight rope between letting him be hungry for a few hours because he only wants to eat junk and letting him eat the junk. As a whole, we are a pretty healthy eating family. I don't claim to be perfect, but we do limit processed foods and sugar. We try to incorporate many fruits and veggies and other lesser known healthy ingredients (lesser known to main stream American culture...bone broth, fermented foods, etc.). I work HARD to get Sam to eat as many nutrients as possible. And overall, he is quite healthy. But he is constantly changing and refusing the healthy foods I have been relying on to fill him with missing nutrients. I am constantly having to be more creative than I have the capacity for. I often find myself in tears crying out to God for wisdom and help. I often find myself in tears because Sam won't eat anything except chips and sunflower seed butter sandwiches. It is a hard and exhausting battle to face constantly. Add in the slew of foods that Sam is allergic/sensitive too and well...you get the picture. And because of these allergies/sensitivities and preferences, I cannot leave the house without packing food. We cannot travel without tons of food planning. I am tired.
But what makes this particular battle even more unbearable is the complete lack of support and understanding and often even criticism. While I don't expect people to understand unless they live it, this does not detract from how wearing it is to walk alone, sometimes AGAINST the very people who should be supportive. Mostly when we talk of food allergies and eating issues, we are met with blank stares. At times people who don't know us well will question the existence of said allergies and eating issues. But the ones that feel like a slap in the face are those people (who are not strangers or mere aquaintances) who feel the need to question our parenting skills or ignore the many things we have told them that Sam can't eat or be around.
We bear this burden alone, and at the moment I am extra stressed because Sam is currently in a phase of not eating his most healthy meal. In fact, as I write this, he is crying and having a meltdown because I won't let him simply eat chips all day. I am tired, and I am at a loss. Sam is pretty healthy because I do work so hard to keep him that way. But in phases like this I am stressed because I want to keep him that way, but I don't know how to get him to eat healthy foods.
In short, I need your prayers. I don't expect you to understand. But you don't have to understand to be kind and to simply pray that God will give me the wisdom and strategies I so desperately need. You don't have to understand to step back and say, "you are the parents. I trust that you know your child better than I do. I trust that you love your child and only want good things for him. I do not know better than you what he can and should be eating." It's pretty simple really.
Praying and loving and praying.
ReplyDelete- Anne
How very exhausting. I love you. Praying for wisdom, strength, and strategies.
ReplyDelete