 |
| Sometimes you just have to splash in the puddles. |
I haven't posted in a while. I am trying to get a new, more focused blog up and running. It's taking a while and I need some writing therapy. So, here I am again, raw...
Sam is doing really well in therapy. He loves his two speech therapists. He has recently started seeing an occupational therapist as well. He sees him one day a week, and I think he really likes him also. Words are beginning to work their way out of his mouth. He has started problem solving like crazy! We are thankful!
But like all Autism families I know of, we have our ups and our downs, our good days and bad, high seasons and low seasons.
Today was tending toward the lower. Sam was volatile this morning; this isn't uncommon especially when he has tummy issues. He didn't engage well at therapy. And we started talking about strategies to implement at home. The therapy practice we use is wonderful in that it is whole family focused. The therapists are kind and not at all condescending. BUT I know my weaknesses and they are in the areas we discussed this morning. I am not a natural at engaging with the world around me. I am an introspective introvert. My family still talks about how good I was at playing by myself as a child. I don't typically talk a lot. I don't excel at making up games to draw kids in. All of my imagination takes place inside my head. The energy it takes to get any of that out of my mouth is far more than I can describe. But these are the things Sam needs. And these things rest squarely on my shoulders. And I am overwhelmed. I am tired. I do not in any way, shape, or form blame Sam for any of this. I love him fiercely. If anything, I blame myself. This isn't a healthy perspective, but it happens. I also know that I am a good mother with many strengths, but I feel as though I am going to fail him. He deserves more. While I know this isn't true, it is sometimes hard to ignore. I am speaking from my place of weakness here. I am speaking truth about my feelings. Please don't share your platitudes with me. I will come through because I trust in Christ alone. In my weakness, He is shown strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9
"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."
Sam is doing really well in therapy. He loves his two speech therapists. He has recently started seeing an occupational therapist as well. He sees him one day a week, and I think he really likes him also. Words are beginning to work their way out of his mouth. He has started problem solving like crazy! We are thankful!
But like all Autism families I know of, we have our ups and our downs, our good days and bad, high seasons and low seasons.
Today was tending toward the lower. Sam was volatile this morning; this isn't uncommon especially when he has tummy issues. He didn't engage well at therapy. And we started talking about strategies to implement at home. The therapy practice we use is wonderful in that it is whole family focused. The therapists are kind and not at all condescending. BUT I know my weaknesses and they are in the areas we discussed this morning. I am not a natural at engaging with the world around me. I am an introspective introvert. My family still talks about how good I was at playing by myself as a child. I don't typically talk a lot. I don't excel at making up games to draw kids in. All of my imagination takes place inside my head. The energy it takes to get any of that out of my mouth is far more than I can describe. But these are the things Sam needs. And these things rest squarely on my shoulders. And I am overwhelmed. I am tired. I do not in any way, shape, or form blame Sam for any of this. I love him fiercely. If anything, I blame myself. This isn't a healthy perspective, but it happens. I also know that I am a good mother with many strengths, but I feel as though I am going to fail him. He deserves more. While I know this isn't true, it is sometimes hard to ignore. I am speaking from my place of weakness here. I am speaking truth about my feelings. Please don't share your platitudes with me. I will come through because I trust in Christ alone. In my weakness, He is shown strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9
"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."
No comments:
Post a Comment